In Christ I'm enough....

I've been really pondering about what the purpose of blogging is. I have a friend who's professor talked about how blogs are attempts at autobiographies by insecure, self gratifying individuals. Many individuals of the older generations look at blogs as narcissistic.

I think they may be right. A lot of the blog world (at least what I've seen ) would potentially (almost definitely) fit into this category. Not discluding myself. I get excited when something I write is enjoyed by someone else and I feel giddy over the idea that I'm 'followed.' As if my everyday happenings are important not only to my loved ones (hi mom!) but some others out there in the blog sphere. Little freckle faced Brittany- when a follower is added thinks " Wow, I do count!"

This reflection on blogging, purpose for it, and  my life and purpose in general has really left me pondering. Especially in the state of exhaustion that has been these past few weeks, I've begun to question really where I gain my sense of achievement and satisfaction. At the end of the day how do I reflect and decide if the day was accomplished or not?

I have friends that have a straight up answer. I've heard " If I can list off 10 good things that happened to me in that day, it was a success!" While I love this idea (and have incorporated it into my sleepy time routine) I feel that some days, I have had many a good thing happen to me, yet I still do not feel a sense of deep satisfaction that with this one precious life I have, I've lived it to what is was worth.

So then, how do I go about gauging my success or my own identity? Without giving the obvious answer of 'Christ'-which by the way is the obvious answer, I find that I feel most successful the days I am thankful, and the days I'm surrendered.

I just spent a few hours looking at a blog that had an awesome Christ-centered girl…. with tattoos, piercing and married to a rough looking man, then I examined another of a sweet Pentecostal girl, with pretty skirts, long hair and a strict code of conduct. It was even quoted "Many people call themselves Christians without being willing to look the way God has called us to."  I found my self thinking "where do I fit in to the too extreme life views?" After praying about it a bit on a Friday night I realize this is the answer: I don’t.

While my views on appearance and the way we should interact with the world are most likely quite a bit different from both of these beautiful women, I appreciate one thing about them both. They look to Jesus for their identity.  They look to him for their source of joy, guidance and abundance.

The days that I find myself looking to myself, or my peers for joy, or trying to figure out where I 'fit in' amongst my christian cohort; feeling the need to prove myself to those that I feel accountable to, I fall asleep feeling I am simply not enough. I haven't done well. I've let others down. And to be honest, I am a failure.  It is then that sweet message of Jesus and his awesome Grace, Forgiveness and his sacrifice becomes so much more impactful. With out him, its true, I am not enough, with Him-In Christ, I am all I need ever be.

I hope that this truth will become so part of my regimented thinking, that I can find that fulfilling joy daily and that from his righteousness I'll be able to move and bless. I want to go to sleep thinking "Today, Christ was enough."

I think there's a lot of stuff in my life that I put before him. I end up constantly chasing, feeling the need to change, conform, figure things out on my own.  I don’t want to do that anymore. I want HIM to be who I look to for affirmation, for conviction and for joy. 

And with that-

An awesome song:

Hope that whoever reads this, that they choose to look to Christ for the identity, and hope. We really won't find it anywhere else. In Christ, We're enough.