I don't know why i get such a kick out of this. But i do. I love the idea of getting to tell my old self some awesome advice so that if there is ever a time warp or something, I will be a pro. at everything.
So, dear one.
Since you would now be just a baby newlywed (one whole month of experience!), I should give you some knowledge on what marriage is going to be about. In addition to this knowledge, I will give you some advice. They kinda merge towards the end, but bear with me. Lets start with that advice first.
Advice: if someone gives you crappy advice. Don't take it. haha. excellent. No really. This is good advice.
A lot of advice is due to a persons current situation. Their life regrets, their life successes etc. are influencing the advice they are giving. If you a) are not in a similar situation or b) do not desire to be in a similar situation, be kind. say thank you. and forget it.
You cried a bit over some scary advice (and it was scary-and grossly inaccurate.) Maybe this little nugget will save you from the despair that marriage is going to be the hardest thing in your life (it is, but not in the ways they tell you it will be.} No, you're not going to be miserable. In fact, you're going to feel more happiness then you've ever felt in your life. Seriously. You even forget to breath enough to get dizzy. And you laugh enough to have a six pack. Unfortunately you eat enough desserts to nullify that six pack. But, its there. Fact.
Knowledge: Laundry will forever be there. So will the dishes. Your husband and you-alone. That is a phenomenon that will someday change. Remember this when deciding how to spend all your time.
Advice: Be gracious on stuff that is silly. Be honest with stuff that really does hurt your feelings.
Knowledge: his inability to put clothes in the hamper is equivalent to your inability to turn of the lights. When you get good at turning the lights off-he'll get good at the hamper thing. At least his cute little habit doesn't cost you money...and the planet.
Advice: I'm learning this this month. And wish I would have learned this a gazillion years ago.
When you find yourself stressed. like REALLY stressed. Tell yourself this one thing:
This is not my identity.
9/10 of the time this is the reason your stressed. You're afraid that this situation will influence how people perceive you, how God will see you or how you will see you.
Let me tell you your identity: Christ. He died for you. You are his child. He paid the price. You are just the receiver. You're living your life in that truth and you get to share it with stud-husband-man. Thats your identity. Thats all that matters.
Knowledge: There are women that are better at x y or z. But none are the wife to your husband and none are you in all the roles you get to play. Thats your role and your platform. You get to rock that.
Advice: Laugh. Be cheerful. When you find yourself thinking any random negative thoughts (no, they don't just go away after time) start saying all the things your grateful for or sing praise to the King. Works like a charm.
{ Now it gets a little heavier, so get ready}
Knowledge: Forgiveness is the only viable option. Period. No matter the issue. The only option is to forgive. However. Take time to talk about it. Tell him how your feeling, how it affects you, and what your mad/hurt/confused about. Then, when he says sorry-it doesn't matter how he says it-thats the part where you forgive.
Decide now that you'll forgive him otherwise come the time it'll be impossible and don't say you're over it if you're not.
Oh, other nugget-you think you have to forgive alot? he's got just as much (actually probably more) to forgive as you. Make sure you give him time to talk about how he's feeling, how it affects him, and then say your sorry-and repeat back why. Then, be ready to do what it takes to earn any trust that needs to be earned, or to repair anything broken.
Advice: This advice:"you don't really need to keep it up anymore now that you're married," is ridiculous. While the 'you're married' part is in fact true. The not needing to keep up anymore is bologna, worse its mystery meat. So what should you do? Step away from it and run.. While He'll love you even if you put on a few pounds, because his love isn't inversely correlated with your weight nor is it related to many of societal pressures that tell you to try to attain some ridiculous standard...don't let this little rumor be true in your life. If Ben were to say the same to his buddies "we'll I really don't need to keep trying, i mean after all I already got the girl" You'd be mad. So, Keep working hard to show you care. Now with that said. Go to the next advice.
Knowledge: His drama tee's, crazy clothes and random shirts and figurines are the equivalent to your silly pictures, letters and random mementos. Unfortunately his are bigger. But they still are just as sentimental. Don't even joke about throwing them away.
Advice: Let Christ define beauty and your identity and how you define success.. Not t.v., not social media. Not your friends, not stalking your friends or blogs on facebook, not random (or not so random) people that are in your life. If you allow anything else other than Christ, your husband, and yourself (the humans can be risky) to define what your beauty, success, or identity is you will be defeated. There's just no way to reign victorious when you are surrounded by images or voices that tell you that you aren't enough in your image, your position, or anything else. Choosing to let Christ define the standard of beauty, the standard of success, and the identity HE has for you and working with your husband to have him affirm you in those standards will a) make you feel unique and feel approved b) give you a realistic objective. and c) give you enough grace to make it through this life while having enough determination to live it well.
Knowledge: If a girl sits next to a guy doing completely different activities. The guy will consider that intense quality time. Don't be offended. Just ask him to listen with his eyes when it comes time to talk.
Advice: Brush your teeth. and tell him 'thata boy' at least once a day. He most likely deserves it.
Knowledge: The yes you said a month ago, that was the greatest earthly promise you ever bound your life to. Ever.
Advice: Go watch your husband play video games and cheer on his street fighter skills.
Over and out.
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