Watching: Funny Gangnam style videos on the youtubes. We had a fun conversation with friends of ours on it about a week ago, and the end homework assignment was to officially watch Psy doing it. This led to us practicing in our living room. Funny thing is, Ben had this dance move with a slight moderation already down. He basically just needed to add a two thump foot step. On our honeymoon he at random busted out said dance move. It was at that moment I knew my husband was the best thing I had ever found. 

Oh, and this funny:

Listening to:  Baby Coughs (boo) and this old love  on repeat 

Thinking about: this article and how much it resonates with some of the things we're discovering ourselves in marriage.

Looking forward to: The weekend. Baby dedication in a week and seeing mi familia. Finding out what the next year holds for us. The fun new series coming up for the upcoming month! Woo!

Reading: Galatians, Ephesians. Every time I read those bad boys I get excited about being a believer all over again.

Making Me Happy: The ridiculousness that has been happening in this house after Eowyn goes to sleep. I think we've both reached that point of being so tired, it leads to hilarity. The past few nights we've stayed up and goofed off and my lungs have been a wee bit achey when going to bed from laughing. Despite knowing we most likely will be hearing baby coughs all night-so we should go to bed early-the silly conversations have been more life giving than the few hours of sleep would be. that and chocolate gelato. always and forever.

Got the idea for these posts here

The day you came // Eowyns Story

Hey Baby E,

I went back and forth with posting this (I actually wrote this back in September  but wasn't sure if it was weird or not. Perhaps. ), but the more I thought about how many people have told me to 'write things down, or you'll soon forget' I decided I would go for it. Rereading it several months later makes me smile. So, Eowyn, Someday you may want to know, and I want to you to have the full story.

Here's the story of how you came into the world.

On  Thursday the 12th of July 2012, my water broke. It happened around 2:00 AM and I didn't know it. Pregnant ladies joked with me about peeing a little when being pregnant, and to be honest- I thought it was just that. Except it kept happening throughout the following day...Finally around 2:00 in the afternoon, I called the triage nurse and she recommended I go in to the hospital to find out. Whats funny is your dad the day before commented "I think we should pack our bags, I feel like she's gonna come sooner than later." Prophet Man.

At 4:00 that afternoon, I had picked up your dad and we were heading over to the hospital. I was a little bit panicked-I rushed to pack things I thought might be needed. Your dad was a mix of terrified-ecstatic. I had printed off a birth plan template the night before with the intention to fill it out that day-we joked it seemed a little silly to do that now-seeing as whatever plan we might have had was not happening. We got to the hospital, and within a short amount of time they confirmed my water had broken. There were all sorts of different opinions-some told me if I didn't go into active labor they would give me pitocin, another gal after talking to the doctor on call at the clinic I attended-said we would wait-even till 36 weeks (4 more days) before inducing. Either way, they were going to admit us.

We got the last room in the maternity ward, as in-they turned others away and sent them to other health east hospitals because there were no rooms. It was a day with a whole lot of babies being born. It's a good thing we were admitted, because about 2 hours later I started to feel my first few contractions-unfortunately that was after I had eaten Chipotle (Sounds like a good idea right? All those veggies...). I got to see that Chipotle shortly after-its actually the first time your dad ever saw me throw up. Word of Advice baby girl: Don't eat a burrito before going into labor.

They say that you can tell a real contraction from a braxton hicks by the fact that it starts in your back and moves forward-well, I was feeling them in my back and boy did it hurt. (come to find out I had back labor so I still can't claim to know what a 'normal contraction' feels like.) All through the night it got progressively worse, I wanted your dad to sleep though-since I didn't know how long this would be and wanted one of us rested-so I kept counting through the contractions and trying not to be too loud.. At first counting to ten did the trick, by the end of then I was counting rounds of 10, 10 times before they subsided. At that point  I woke your dad up and he spent the rest of the labor rubbing my back, walking around with me-and being awesome.

Morning finally came. I did whatever those perfectly wonderful nurses told me to-really anything that they said would help ease the pain. I tried all of their suggestions and it helped quite a bit for a while. Your nurses were awesome, and so encouraging..

Since my water broke, they intentionally weren't checking me often. Outside Bacteria can cause issues, so it was rare that they would check. When they finally did check the following morning(your birthday) at around 9:30, they said I was about 5 cm. That meant, they estimated that I had about 5 more hours. That's when they told us to call your Nana -so that she would be here in time for your delivery. It was raining-and it had been REALLY hot (major heat advisory) so the grey weather was sort of a nice thing to look out the window and see.

About an hour later I thought I might be dying. I told your dad I wanted medicine, that I couldn't handle it anymore...and that we were adopting all the rest. I said a few unkind words to him-and then apologized.  The nurses joked later that I made a lot of deals with God asking him to make it stop. I don't remember those too well, but I don't doubt it.

Your dad was awesome and helpful, and kept encouraging me to just get through one more. About an hour and half later the nurse had a feeling that she should check me again-and sure enough I had gone from 5-9cm in an hour. (No wonder it hurt so badly.) and she went ahead and called our doctor. Within about 30 minutes it was time to push. And push. And push. And push. at that point your dad and I somehow managed to make a few big bang theory jokes. I'll tell you them sometime. They aren't too funny, but in the moment they had us both laughing. Now looking back, it makes it even funnier he was wearing a shirt with the whole cast.

50 minutes later you came. And I remember just staring at your chubby cheeks being overwhelmed. You had squiggly hairs and were the prettiest thing. I laugh-cried. Your dad was giddy (he actually was cheering while I pushed you out!) He was so so proud. The doctors joked about your umbilical cord being tied around your legs-like a bungee cord and that you'd go back in if you didn't like it out here. (That was actually an answer to prayer-I was scared that it would be wrapped around your neck for some reason, and I prayed it wasn't. The fact it was wrapped around your body-but around your legs-the farthest thing from your neck! proves that God listens-and has a bit of a sense of humor)You came out a little lopsided so rather than having a normal cone-head you had one off to the side, your nose was a little smooshed as well. But baby girl, you were beautiful! All 6 pounds 13 ounces of you. Remarkably beautiful.

They took you away a little too quickly (they were worried about you being so early-even though we think your due date was wrong.) and your dad went with. He wasn't letting you out of his sight.  I got to see you about an hour later, Meanwhile I managed to eat an entire hospital tray of fruit (The nurses laughed at me. I was hungry.) The pictures we have of you are blurred and not all that perfectly posed (as you can see) because the volunteer doula we had snapped as many as possible before you left, but we didn't really get more than 5 or 10 minutes with you. I look pretty swollen in all of them, and so do you-but, I still like them..I'll show you all the pictures someday. Your grandma arrived then (she was trying so hard to be there when you came, and was just shy an hour.) and we all went to give you your first bath. We had to keep visiting you in special care from Friday till Tuesday (which was a whole adventure in itself) when you were released.

So, 18 hours later you came at 11:54 PM. On July 13th-an entire month to the day of your due date. You were perfectly healthy and perfectly wonderfully born.

It was a good day.

Trapeze

 

Its no secret this kid loves her dad. Probably because they do all these crazy stunts. At first I opposed it. ("Ben, You're gonnnaaa drropp heerrr...") But look at that kids face (and his!)! Not taking that away from them.

 

You two have a sweet thing

Banana

 

This morning, after I put Eowyn down for her morning nap, I busted out the Honey Nut chex and grabbed a banana. After examining said banana, I hesitantly opened it up, suspecting it to be all sorts of nasty since its outside shell was more brown than yellow. It was the last of the bunch, and looked pretty pittiful.

But I was surprised. I opened that bad boy up and not a single bruise was to be found. Not a single one. I was surprised and happy and felt something in my heart stir up. "Thats you brittany."

While being compared to a banana seems to be a little silly, it struck my heart. I could relate to that little banana. and while the outside was a little sad looking, internally it was a-okay (and delish.)

Last night, after Eowyn had been put to sleep I asked the question I often ask Ben: 'think we're gonna make it?" He replied rather quickly (as he always does) "We already are."

We sat in the silence of a sleeping baby and talked about the ways that we really are doing well. We talked about how fun Eowyn is in health, and how much grace is needed in marriage (and how happy we are we've figured out how to be kind to each other when we're a little crazy)  we looked at the exciting things to come as a new adventure unfolds for us. We chatted it up. And this bruised banana shell realized that we really are going to be just fine. In fact. We're good.

I appreciate your kindness with the sweet texts I've gotten and emails in response to the last post. Its always a weird feeling for me to post something that hasn't been edited, written late at night, and isn't filled with attempts to see the bright side. But the grace that follows is an encouragement to me. So thank you.

A few of you have asked how that baby of ours is doing. She's still sick with a pretty nasty cough/cold. It always seems to get worse before it gets better, eh? But her fever has broken and while its a bit heartbreaking the yelps she gives after a cough, she's quick to smile. We have a doctor appointment for her tomorrow. For a check-up and to make sure this isn't anything more dramatic than the common cold. So, we're thinking she'll be back to her normal self soon. Nothing like the first major sickness of a kid. I feel like its a rite of passage, more for us than for her.

That girl loves her dad though. Look at some of those pictures up top. They're sort of an incredible pair. (and that trapeze move might be one of ben's top 10 accomplishments. You should have seen that man's face. It was a mix of 'thatta girl!' and 'all my child-rendering dreams are coming true.')

Hope you have a happy Monday !

Momma Said...

With every occupation I've had, I would have days where I would come home and 'fake quit.' I'd tell Ben I was done, and for a moment I would pretend that I had quit such and such job and I was no longer responsible to those duties.Then logic, (and my discipline and responsibility strength finders) would kick in and I would state that in reality the job I occupied was a blessing, and I really was happy to have it.

I don't really consider being a mom my job. Much like I don't consider being Ben's wife my occupation-but they are definitely roles that are my main priorities (and with staying at home with E, They take up the bulk of my time.).

Eowyn has been sick for the past few days. Just last week, as mentioned previously I got the flu, and there's the obviousness of winter which brings in its share of cabin fever, and general greyness.. Things are just sort of hard at this season in our life. Not in big ways. But in really little ways. And its all these little ways that are tiring. I think, while I do not wish this for us,  I often function better with life crisis. I can process, I can make a game plan. I can take an active part. But with this new season, and the new ways my time is spent, things have changed and often times it feels more like life is happening. But there's no job to quit.

Theres no 'fake quitting' Eowyn or Ben. There's no quitting period.

With little things like sickness, there is no game plan to be made. Its just: get through. With seasons changing, and our life changing there is so much unknown that plans can't be made with any real certainty (not that they ever really could.) But especially not now. Just like we don't know if the weather will be good a few weeks from now-so much of the little things in our life are what make these types of struggles unique.

Baby sickness is a whole new level of stretching me. I ache when I hear those little girls lungs and yet am so tired myself I just want for time to pause for a bit, go hide and for all health to be restored.

I'm definitely having a pity party over here. And just like the tiny little things that are exhausting, its in this pity party I'm taking advantage of the little things that are good. Just a few moments a go I ate a banana covered with Nutella. Ben has been full of grace and good conversations lately, which has been awesome since I haven't really left this house in a few days. I just wanted to process a bit. I appreciate you processing with me.

I'm not sure why, but ever since college, on particularly rough days, the song "Momma said there would be days like this." chimes in.  On these days, i whisper it under my breath. Its a comforting thing to me now. Mostly because of how true it is and how it makes me feel a little prepared.. Life is in the trenches. and based on these past days by golly we're living!

So readers, If you think of it, would you pray for us? For Eowyn to get better. For sickness to leave this house entirely. For God's hand to be on so many of the changes happening in our life? For Peace?

Its appreciated.

As Always, thanks for reading.

Girl Behind the Blog Link Up

Hi there friends,

Today I've gotten the pleasure of meeting several new bloggers through 5 oh Wifey's Link up: Girl Behind the Blog. While I was perusing through all of the new found blogs, I decided to join in on the fun.

I loved how I immediately started liking so many of the gals behind the videos when watching their intros. This week, the prompt was to introduce yourself, how long you've been blogging and what do you feel you've gained from being a part of the blogging community.

So for this gals first vlog ever: Hope you enjoy.

Its fun after watching to see how becoming a mom has made me a little distracted. BUBBLES!  Well, you get what you get eh?

Happy Friday! Stay Warm!

Happies

Here are a few little things making my week:

 

Ben brought these home about a week ago after doing some grocery shopping for us while E took a nap. I love sunflowers. While they slowly wilt they still are making this de-christmased place look so bright. 

Right around 9:00 or so I do a swoop through the house and start cleaning from the night before. Its a funny routine, seeing as about two hours later everything will be out again. This morning, I decided just to walk around and take pictures. Soon enough I'll have a spotless house, with no messes to clean. My kids will be in college, and that swoop through won't have to happen on a daily basis. Then, I'll miss babies with their toys and all the stacks of laundry. I'm learning to treasure messes.

 

Let me introduce you to our quirky humor. This guy is one of our favorite ha-ha's. And over Christmas, he got a friend! Every year we bust out the nutcrackers for Christmas  and spread them all throughout the house (We even hide a couple.) This one always goes in front of the tree painting. We did it as a joke the first year of our marriage (because LOOK at how well he belongs there!) and he's now goes there every year. This year, Ben's grandma sent us this beaver. It was a former ornament but now is just a spikey woodland creature. I wasn't too sure where to place him, he's too sharp to be a toy, and he wouldn't hang on the tree, and then got the idea that our nutcracker-friend needed a friend of his own. Now all the nutcrackers are put away, but this guy will stay out-as he always does-for a few more months. My guess is he'll end up with a fleet of woodland animals by the time we die. Ben and I got a few laughs when he got home to discover the new beaver friend. Stories are made about this little guy and his hunting buddy.

 

Ben and I had our hand at homemade brownies a couple nights ago. and Oh. My. Goodness. So good. Random factoid: We are notorious for getting in disagreements when cooking (He measures everything, I sort of go by the seat of my pants) but these, we both followed the rules and they turned out amazing. One point for Ben and his direction-following. All thanks goes to him. I'm learning folks, I'm learning.

I just finished up my first (decent) cowl from crocheting this morning. I'm feeling pretty accomplished at teaching myself and am super happy to have this warm thing to wear. Eowyn has been going through a sort of spurt of sickness, fussiness that is now on its second week. She's a trooper overall, and pretty much just defies nap times. I think its in these moments when I am learning to just breath. Perspective is a lovely thing and while I'm praying "God please, just let her rest." I begin to realize how far away it seems when just a few months ago I was crying in the bathroom about how unprepared I was for this. Now, 5 or so months later, here we are and Eowyn is her goofy self and is only occasionally having a hard time. (And we sleep pretty much every night till the sun comes up. Praise The Lord.)  I'm thankful for the truth behind "the days a long, the years are short." And I'm especially thankful for my husband who this week commented "Britt, I'm here for the hard stuff too. That's part of being of me being your husband and her dad." While it may be obvious, the inentionality he takes in speaking such things (to remind me, that its okay to ask for help) speak to this heart in such deep ways. 

Love that man. Love these little things that make weeks blessed.

Hope your week is filled with little things to celebrate.

DIY: Iron-On Onsies

When I was pregnant, I pinned all the cute little ideas of decorating onsies and got excited about the decals, dying and painting I could do to make E one cute looking baby. The opportunities were endless! Time past, and while we're blessed with friends and family who cute-fied our childs wardrobe, the hopes for the handmade were not realized in terms of baby clothes. Until I found these pretties. 

I bought Julia Rothmans Iron On transfers from amazon after seeing a fun baby shower, and while Ben was at a game night, decided to try my hand at it. I went through her drawers, found a few onsies and when Eowyn went to sleep, had my own little craft night.

 The instructions are all there, and it actually is pretty easy. It all together took about 20 or so minutes. The decals are high-quality and I had a lot of success, even with my old iron. You find the design you want, cut out the decal flip it over and iron it on. Simple. I did the whole operation on my coffee table since it recommends ironing at a lower level for pressure. That's one thing I realized after my practice. I needed to apply pressure, not just heat for the decals to really stick and not wrinkle. Needless to say, it was a good time. While its too cold for her to just where these onsies for an extended period of time, I'm diggin' Eowyn's new undershirts.

Overall, for the momma who wants to have a hand at something crafty, here's a quick project with immediate results. The designs are fun and some are really pretty. I think some of the designs would look awesome on canvas bag, pillows and some of my own shirts. I'm looking forward to making  more.

Goofy Little Things

 A lot of time is spent in this bathroom. She loves seeing other babies, especially smiley babies. This works out nicely, since she is one crazy smiley baby. Some of the goofiest faces (of both of us) come about while goofing off in here. I think I look kind of silly, but her face gives me so much joy. I want to remember the ridiculousness of this 6 month old. Its the little things.

Currently

\\Eowyn in her outfit from Bre//Trying on the elephant hat\\Craft Party of 1//lights to out @ the Thompsons//Eowyn keeping warm with the sub 0 temps\\Reading Books//

Watching: Cosby show. After this week, I told Ben we're only having one kid. He in his genius, puts on that show and I'm back to wanting a barrel full. Smart man.

Listening to: Real Marriage Series  by Mark Driscoll. Whenever we go to Waupaca we listen to a sermon in this series. While I'm currently as of this moment listening to nothing-my mind has gone back to the most recent sermon we listened to here. It convicted my heart in so many ways and I'm still processing through it. 

Thinking about: The value of putting my phone down. When I was pregnant and waiting for a girlfriend at a coffee shop, I saw a 2 or so year old girl coloring and her mom sitting across from her checking her phone. They sat like that for over 20 minutes and I thought to myself "I don't want to do that."

 Yet, I've noticed myself playing with Eowyn and checking my InstaGram feed or facebook while trying to entertain her. There's sometimes when she stops and is just looking at me and it takes me 30 or so seconds to notice her looking. I'm learning to leave my phone in the other room. There was a post I read recently (It's a shame I read posts and it takes me a few days to let it sink in, then I forget who wrote it!) that   commented that she will not regret missing out on social media, but she will wish for more time when she watches her little girl someday cross the stage and grab her diploma. That resolated with me-and sort of shocked me! (Eowyn will someday be a high-school graduate. Weird.) I've become more intentional with the little time I have with my girl.

Looking forward to: When Ben gets home. I like his face.

Reading: I'm still pushing through Grace for the Good Girl whenever the moment allows for it. It has been all sorts of life giving. The last chapter touched on giving up my 'rights' and the author, Emily Freeman gave examples of the rights she's giving up. So many of her examples struck home for me since most, if not all my problems lately seem to lie in me dying on the hill of my rights- My right to be heard. My right to be understood. My right to be noticed for all the work I do here. The list goes on. 

I have to lay them down. Why? Jesus did. And calls us to freedom by doing the same. I'm being led (sometimes dragged) to that freedom. The next on my list is a book called "Loving the Little Years."  and Sticky Teams. Looking forward to both of them.

Making Me Happy: So many things. Despite having a rough week (If you follow me on IG you'll know that I got sick this past weekend-the first time with the flu in a decade! So blessed to go that long without!) there were a lot of joy moments this past week. I had wanted a particular Shabby Apple Dress for over a year and this week it went on sale and I had just the right amount of fun-money for it. Ben surprised me with flowers. I got to see my family this past weekend. little things. So many blessings.


Got the idea for this post here

Adoption

God has been so awesome lately in showing us the depth of his love. The more we talk about kids, what we hope for our family and the like, the more sweet videos like this find their way to us. While we don't know how many kids we'll get to have, either by birth or adoption, we love adoption. We love how representative it is of what God did for us and we love the tangible image that adoptive families represent of Christ and the church. The few families we know that have or are in the process of bringing their babies home, we love you guys and are excited for you. 

I love how the mom talks about how it isn't easy. Our culture today is so anti-inconvenience, and if there's one thing I've learned-even with my one baby-kids are not convenient. But neither is authentic love. Ben and I have talked about adoption several times. What once was something we were unwilling to do, God is showing us more and more how this family is his, which means he can welcome whoever he wants to it. While I don't know if that will look like a home with a revolving door with kids from around us visiting often, or it'll be a door where kids from different parts of the world come to stay, this is His family, and God can do whatever he wants with it.

Hope you enjoy this sweet video.

In addition, check this whole organization out. They exist to encourage generous living.

I Like Giving

Graves of Craving

I wrote this post, and saved it. That's what I do whenever I write about whats on my heart. Just in case over a few days I learn more or realize how wrong I am (so many a post never gets posted for that reason!) This week I went to a women's bible study and it was on a topic similar to what I was writing about here. With thoughts affirmed,  I decided to share this post from several days ago. Hopefully you can resonate.

In Numbers, The Israelite people are travelling, just freed from years of slavery. They are finally FREE. But they don't have meat. They have food, but they don't have the food they want. While wandering in the desert, they grumble. 

Numbers 11:1-4 

And the people complained in the hearing of the Lord about their misfortunes, and when the Lord heard it, his anger was kindled, and the fire of the Lord burned among them and consumed some outlying parts of the camp. ...... Now the rabble that was among them had a strong craving. And the people of Israel also wept again and said, “Oh that we had meat to eat!

If you were to keep reading, you'd find that God gives them TONS of meat. Imagine a square with the width and length of a days journey and 18 Inches high. All Quail.

 ³¹ Then a wind from the Lord sprang up, and it brought quail from the sea and let them fall beside the camp, about a day's journey on this side and a day's journey on the other side, around the camp, and about two cubits^[b] above the ground. ³² And the people rose all that day and all night and all the next day, and gathered the quail. Those who gathered least gathered ten homers.^[c] And they spread them out for themselves all around the camp. ³³ While the meat was yet between their teeth, before it was consumed, the anger of the Lord was kindled against the people, and the Lord struck down the people with a very great plague. ³⁴ Therefore the name of that place was called Kibroth-hattaavah,^[d]because there they buried the people who had the craving. 

Then he strikes them down while they're still eating and they die.  The Israelite people call that place Kibroth Hataavah meaning graves of craving. 

Graves of Craving.

This might seem odd that this is the passage that I'm seeing my heart through. But its been really getting me this week. So many times I do the exact thing that the Israelites do. What I crave often times trumps what I need. And I get angry at God for not providing that craving.  Its a fortunate thing that God has yet to strike me down for all the thousands of ways I've taken his obvious blessings, set them aside, ignored them entirely (Like my own freedom, and all the ways he's provided) and demanded more. Yes, you've given me food and protection and family, heat, clothes, salvation, & freedom, but I want proverbial meat! 

For me, the meat I crave looks like:

• more convenience in my days
• an easier baby
• a husband that pays attention to me every single second
• a better body
• more rest
• a clean house
• finances being a non-issue
• perfect health
• awesome self-confidence in staying at home

and my list continues.

This then translates to my speech. So easy to hide how good God is in blessing when I'm so focused on how inconvenient my to do list is. So easy to ignore how God has poured out on us when I have to refrain from the things I want because they don't fit the budget. So easy for me to be angry at God the minute sickness hits, even when I've been healthy for most of the year. Its often preached that we need to not only celebrate God's blessings while things are good. But in bad times too. I find that my issue isn't celebrating him during difficulty-well at least not nearly as much as it is in me being authentically thankful to him at all.

So many ways I belittle his blessings. To say we don't live in that nice of a place (we have crazy neighbors! Lack of sunlight! we live in the frozen tundra of Minnesota.). Our marriage has its trials a plenty (we sin against each other plenty.)  Eowyn needs more attention than other babies. and on and on and on. This blog does a great job of catching all the good stuff. But outside of it, I often feel the need to qualify my life: "My life has its hardships! Big ones! That Suck! Really Bad!" As if, by qualifying I'm letting the world (and myself)  know God isn't blessing me too much, and I have it hard too. I then take that same attitude to God. 

Why do I do this? Easy. Because I'm sinful. Because I've felt disqualified for being positive. Because I have a twisted mindset that if I'm too thankful God might take it away. Because I care a lot of what others think. Because I want more. Because I've don't want to be belittled in my trials in life, so I make sure to be extra aware of how hard I have it (which really, is a joke.)  Because I want to both be accepted by man, and be blessed by God. Because I don't understand blessing.

The Israelites were in the desert. They had no home. They had food provided for them daily-no savings, very little materials. former-slaves.  But they were still blessed by God. God was providing everything for them minute by minute. They had food. They were safe (despite when it seemed they weren't). They were free. But they had to rely on him daily for everything and all they had to bank on were his promises. 

When I'm in that very situation, do I consider myself blessed? 

Nope. 

But I am blessed when I'm in that. And despite all the created things I so often hold on to, that really is exactly where I am now. 

How faulty my thinking is by assuming its Ben's Job that gives us security, or its my parenting that determines the way my kid acts. Or that its others that give affirmation of who I am.

What I'm realizing is this attitude is slowly robbing me of seeing blessing for what it is entirely. It's worshiping creation and twisting the blessing to a point that when blessing really comes I don't even recognize it, or who its from. Because the package it came in was a little dirty, or the timing was a little inconvenient for me, I refuse the gift and often the giver.. 

Hear my heart, we authentically struggle. We all do. Community is meant to be a the place that we can struggle and rejoice together. Our struggles need to be affirmed by others, not belittled. God intended for us to be able to connect and grow and be encouraged together. There is REAL struggle that you and I experience. We don't have to pretend otherwise. Times of difficulty don't need to be masked with a sunshiny, seeing the bright side of life mask. Perhaps my readers are currently going through HARD times. Please don't belittle that after reading this post. If there's one thing I've learned its that putting on masks and pretending something is what its not can be devastating. It leads us even farther away from each other and Jesus. I appreciate it most when gal friends state plainly their struggles, and I can state plainly mine. Some of my most rewarding and blessed conversations came when I plainly put "I hate that X is happening and I don't see where God is in any of this." Its in those moments I need to be encouraged and me making it less than what it was would destroy me. I need you for those times. And I will will be there with you to mourn, and pray, and encourage through those times when they come .

But here, I'm talking about something else. I'm talking about how I see the good in my life. The question I've been asking myself before sharing stories is: Am I sharing this because I need encouragement? To be heard? To celebrate? To Praise the gifter? Its sad for me to recognize how often it isn't any of those. It's solely to let people know I'm uncomfortable and I don't like it.

I think all in all this whole post is to say that I'm finding a deeper level of authenticity in my speech and heart. I'm discovering the difference between being sensitive to others and being sinful with others. Between sharing and complaining. Between mourning, and just finding something to be grumpy about. I'm learning how much my words dictate my hearts next step.  And how praising God and his blessing is an intentional pursuit that if I stop doing, I'll turn acidic and be a grumbling woman. 

Praise Jesus for not leaving me the way I am.

Thanks for listening.

Half a Year

 

We have a half year old. Despite the fact that we can't keep a fish alive, we've got a happy thriving spraguelet. We kept her alive for half a year! We jest. But really, she's kind of the best thing ever.

She's growing. I'm starting to forget what a newborn baby looks like. I've reached that point when I look at the little newborn clothes and think "No, she couldn't have been THAT small." But she was. And now she's not. 

But now she's laughing and smiling and even making winter not-so bad. She's making days when we're sick feel not so gloomy with her crazy noises and excitement. Life is quite simply better since she came around.

"Children are a blessing from the Lord, offspring a reward from him. "

Pslams 127:3

I keep being reminded of this. So many times while I'm checking out at a grocery store, people will ask about her. I've found that if I say positive things about what a joy she is, how good of a girl she is, how smiley etc. , I often am given a "Just you wait!" reply. "Wait till she's a teenager! Wait till she turns 10! Enjoy her while she's this little!" If I comment about how she was a reflux baby, how she goes a little crazy when she's overtired, or how she loves to be held often sometimes making it hard to get anything done, I am encouraged by others about how it gets easier, how they get more fun, the sweet relationship I'm building with her!,  and how their personalities really start blooming in just a few more months. 

Its in those moments I've been reminded of this verse. Eowyn is a blessing, a reward. Period. Not only when she's pulling an All-star performance  but when she's needy and fussy and having bad days. She's a blessing, a reward. I'll see her no other way, even in future days, or during her crazy impending teen angst. She's a blessing, a  beautiful, sweet reward.

I'm so thankful for you, little girl. For your sassy personality, that I suspect will give you the strength you need in serving Jesus. For your love to be included ALWAYS, which will serve you in bringing people into community with you. And for your light-up-our-life face. You are a remarkable work of art, and seeing you grow is breathtakingly beautiful.

 

 

Happy 6 whole months Eowyn.

Six Months

See her grow here!

Dear Eowyn

Happy 6 month birthday! You are getting so big now and so fun. You've just started pursing your lips together and blowing out, making a funny noise. I do it to you often and you smile and will sometimes do it back. I love that game. We've recently moved you to your crib. You look so little in it, but then I remember how you looked when we first brought you from the hospital and can't believe how much you've grown. Soon, you'll be too big to hold in my arms and snuggle. I'm excited and terrified for that day. You're eating solid food now too, which is an adventure all in itself. You don't quite know how to eat from the spoon yet, but we're working it out.

I pray that you continue to grow into a beautiful little girl. I pray that you would grow to be smart and witty, so you know how to stand up against those who would put others down. I pray that God develops a kind heart in you and that you always stick with your dreams. I pray that God would reveal the plan He has for you to your mom and me so that we would be able to guide you to His goals.

You have always and will always have a special place in my heart as my first daughter. I pray that I would be the kind of father that let's you fall but not get hurt, rise but not grow conceited, run to each of your goals but keep you still long enough to celebrate each one.

Happy 6 months, Eowyn!
I love you,
~Dad

Currently

 

watching: Once Upon a Time and Community Re-runs. If you ever ask me to pick out a movie, you should bet money on it that it will be one of the most horrible movies you've ever seen. To date. T.V. shows? I'm awesome. Well, atleast to Ben. I discover the t.v. shows and Ben is the one that gets us into them. We discovered Community several months ago, and have been going through the reruns now. These past weeks we've been quoting Troy and Abed incessantly and talking all about the character development of Once Upon a Time. I feel like such a classy t.v. show critic with Ben.

looking forward to: This weekend, This whole MONTH. I got a calendar in the mail today filled with pictures of our baby's face. Then, I filled it with all the google calendar happenings and was excited to see all the little get togethers with other moms, and the adventures we have planed for this month. I've already quite enjoyed myself by getting to see three of my favorite loves. This year is shaping up. 

listening to: The new Fly Leaf CD. The last really spoke to my heart in a deep way and Ben and I have really been loving this new one. We play it while Eowyn's awake, because its a little loud and crazy at parts. But its beautiful and speaks to my heart. 

learning: the value of being the first to extend grace. How freeing it is to not be easily offended and discovering even more awesomeness to be found in the man I committed my life to.

drinking: dr. pepper. This is one of the first years I didn't swear caffeine of my list of NY resolutions. and Praise the Lord. So much freedom in not creating a bunch of random restrictive resolutions this year. 

excited about: 1) the delight I'm finding in that trusty old treadmill at our apartment complex. Every year, I make a resolution to run in the winter. And never do. I'm a summer girl, and you often will find me roaming the streets in my kicks on a summer evening, but in winter its a no.go. Ever.  For some reason that little escape just a few feet from my house has turned into a treat for me. I'm not sure how long it'll last, and I'm okay with that. It's made it that much more joyful.  That and listening to Kate Perry and really random rap music reminds me of college dorm jam sessions and other sorts of sillyness. 2) Going to the Ice Castles at MOA-most likely this weekend. I was sincerely hoping to check them out in Colorado, and was bummed to hear we would miss them when we moved back home and THEN! I found out that MOA here in Minnesota is having their very own. I think its a blessing straight from Jesus. Those ice-castles were made for me.

Taking this post from sara, one of my favorite bloggers. Love this idea.