Lately

 

Every Tuesday is Ben's day. Every Thursday is my day. This means that in the designated evening, once we are both home, I'm on "first-response" duty with Eowyn, and Ben is on my day. When we first instituted this, my Thursdays were marked by dashing to and fro running errands. Simply getting to bring in my wallet and no diaper bag, car seat, and baby was reason enough to rejoice. But, I was still so nervous leaving her. As the months have passed, Ben has become more and more familiar with Eowyn. He knows the routine, and in fact has one of his own. They get each other. This has allowed a lot of freedom for me. Freedom to go thrifting, go to target and pick up a few essentials (and ice cream!) and meander back home. This has been tonight. Perusing, coming back home, trying on my new treasures, relaxing, enjoying.

I think back about life before baby and notice how much things revolved around us. I'm sure every parent think this, but we had SO MUCH TIME. We were selfish with it, and with our resources. And while we had time together-we guarded  our time a part. Overall, I think it was good that we guarded that time-because we both needed to be alone (two introverts). Having a baby, however has for a season laid hostage to any idea that we can at any point be completely unavailable to one another. I can go out-but I have to make sure my phone is on, Ben can play games, but he may have to pause at any moment (and often times does) to attend to our little nugget.

This change has had unintended results. Mainly, its created a lot more grace between the two of us.  I've noticed Ben's heart get softer towards the long conversations I always start at 10:00 PM  and his selflessness is a trademark of our days. I'm so grateful to have him be our kids Dad and even more so that he one I get to share this life with. I like us better now that  we're parents. We are for each other in ways we weren't before. Having someone else ensure your most basic needs are met-insisting sleep for each other, bringing each other food and water while tending to the baby, making dinner, doing laundry. Has made our relationship change. We used to have 'roles,' but now we simply are. We needed those roles to ensure that things got done, and that misunderstandings were avoided. I just like the way we can read each other now.

Lately we've been having lots of conversation.  Who our family is, what our goals are for this year, how far we've come since the start of last year are a few of the many topics on the table. We've been delighting in the quick and tasty meals of Trader Joe's (God Bless TJ's), and have started branching out and trying new venues like Indian! Eowyns been giggling, which has made us both pretty enthralled. She's tasting food here and there (she's had banana, carrots and peas!) and we're enjoying watching her discover it all. I'm becoming more familiar with this body of mine and having a fun time discovering what looks good on it. My body has changed, in some ways for the better and I'm learning to praise God for the ability to have grown Eowyn, despite any negative implications. Today I went thrifting and found a few treasures (two of which were brand new!) that fit just perfectly. It was a delight and left me giddy. I've lived most of my life disliking my figure despite regular good-health and exercise. I've really been thinking and praying through this and know that its time for a mental change. I know Eowyn will learn how to view herself through the example I set and God has been speaking to my heart on it lately and I've been really grateful.

I'm realizing just how much of who I am can be based on Jesus. And how much this body, this family, this life are gifts. What the implications really are in being His. Its a good place to be at and its allowed even more rejoicing. Party at the Sprague House

Happy for 2013 and all the adventure it'll be.