Today is the first post of a handful of posts that will be coming our way over the next few weeks. This blog will be featuring some of my favorite couples and their hearts as they share about their marriages here on the blog! I asked if they would be willing to share what makes their marriages thrive, what struggles they've faced etc. and they have agreed to share their special wealth with us.We have a wide range of married-couples in different stages (from 2 to 30+ years of marriage!) that will be guest blogging here over the next few weeks. I'm amazed at the unique responses each have, and I'm thrilled to be sharing these with you!
Meet Bre.
Hi! I'm Breana Carey, I've been married to my husband, Casey Carey, for seven years. We have three beautiful children (all boys) and are full time Youth and Family Pastors in Wisconsin.
What first attracted you to your spouse?
What first attracted me to my husband beside obvious physical attraction was his heart. He has a passion for God and people. He loves to serve and see people succeed in what they do.
I think one of the best parts is having someone to live alongside this journey we call life. Not ahead of me or behind me but right by my side. Having someone I can always count on to love me on my most unattractive days both physically and emotionally. (And I've had my share of "ugly" days)
What have been some of the hardest parts of being married?
- Communication. I think that 95 percent of our issues have come from a lack of proper communication. Though we are still in the process of learning how to communicate the way the other one does, the majority of our issues have been solved on that front... at least for now :)
- Selfishness has been the other hard part. As often as I want to focus on how "I"m" feeling and make everything about me, I have to have to realize its "WE" not "ME". The quicker I come to that conclusion the better the outcome of my day.
How much work marriage really is. I also didn't anticipate babies (yes, I know where they come from). We got pregnant 6 months into our marriage which threw everything into a spiraling roller-coaster of emotion, I'm not talking just pregnancy hormones either.
Advice that has helped shape your marriage?
The best advice I've been given was: " Every day try to do something or change something within yourself that will make you a better spouse, without ever expecting a change in your spouse. " Essentially: Always try to improve upon yourself without expecting your spouse to improve. In fact expect they won't, but grow yourself none the less.
What little things do you do to keep your marriage enjoyable?
We Laugh, Laugh, Laugh. We choose to see the bright side or even comical side of every situation. Like when your sweet boy climbs in your bed to snuggle and ends up diaper-less peeing on your face...or when your husband searches the couch cushions for the remote and pulls out his hand now covered in a mushy banana.
Also we take time to hear the other person. Hear how their day was, what their dreams are, who they are evolving into. We try to keep each other a priority.
Advice to a just married couple?
Remember the good days and forget the bad. Better yet, on the bad ones, remember what you loved most about your spouse on the good days, those qualities are still in there.
Stay positive because it is just as contagious as negativity but has a much better bi-product.
Advise to couple with kids?
Take a deep breath. Enjoy. I promise the difficult days pass and are far less frequent than the good days. Don't try to be any one else but yourself. You have unique gifts and talents that make you the best parent for YOUR children. Also remember every child is different. One could be sweet and cuddly like one my boys and the other could be a strong willed, tantrum throwing, head banger (literally) like my other boy. Each child will present new challenges and opportunities for you to shine as a parent. Each one brings out the good and/or bad qualities you didn't know you had.
Key ways God has worked most in your marriage?
There are far too many wonderful responses for this question. My husband and I, from the beginning, made a commitment to keep God our primary focus in all that we do. From the way we treat and view each other, raising our children, and the environment we surround ourselves in. God has continued to show himself faithful from finances to miraculous health provision. But He has also given us a love for each other and our children that is definitely out of this world. Come what may, at the end of day we stand strong and with confidence in our relationship and purpose.
In struggling times what kept you going?
Ultimately God and the Purpose we have in him. But on a non-spiritual note I guess it would be Over-Communication. 9 times out of 10 we were able to discover a conclusion or reason for the difficulty we were facing and how to prevent it in the future. Sometimes it took longer because of the "awkwardness" of a conversation but once we got past our own insecurities and communicated, we quickly saw the light at the end of the tunnel.
Advice to Wives?
Speak positively about your husband at all times (some days that will be difficult). Respect him even if you don't think he deserves it. Love and Honor him even if it doesn't feel like he loves or honors you. Be the Spouse you want to have.
What do I enjoy most about this stage in your marriage?
SLEEP!! Just kidding, (kind of.) I enjoy my family. I enjoy sitting down for a long over due rest at the end of the day and reflecting on the fact that my little boys are growing into little men that look so much like their wonderful daddy , both physically and spiritually.
I enjoy that the love of my life, the person who started this Crazy journey with me is sitting beside me on this overly loved, goober stained couch.
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