I can attest personally to the truth of the advice found below. A lot of the advice written here have become cornerstones to Ben and my marriage. Getting to read them here is fun for me in that I can see where Ben's values (like awesome celebrations, pursuing community and pizza!) came from. We're blessed to have parents with healthy, thriving marriages and I'm especially excited to get to share with you the wisdom of these two today.
Meet Gary & Julie:
We are Gary and Julie
Sprague originally from Illinois and Indiana. We raised our kids in Michigan
and Minnesota and now we live in sunny Arizona.
We spend our time working 60%, driving 5%, sleeping 25%, relaxing in the
sun 10%. We both work way too hard! Just
an FYI, we answered the questions together and I put the information into
paragraphs. I teach 7th grade
Language Arts so if it is too wordy, my apologies.
What first attracted you to your spouse?
Gary and I met at Lincoln
Christian College in the laundry room. I love a man with long hair and a beard
– the hair is much shorter now but the beard is still around - - and ohhh those
eyelashes – He was a quiet guy who made me laugh and still does. He tells the
tale of a tall and vibrant young woman and her pretty laugh. We were both committed Christians at Lincoln
so the focus of God first was a given and still is. God and his goodness has
been the driving force of our life from the beginning - - don’t know if we
would be together without Jesus - -actually I am sure we would not. Gary and I are quite different people. If you
would know either of us without the other you would never imagine we are
married - - however friends and family who know us say that we are a perfect
blend. So after 33.5 years of marriage and 2 amazing kids later God knew
exactly what he was doing in that laundry room many moons ago.
Early in our relationship we
had a snow day at Lincoln and Gary and I spent over three hours in one of the
music practice rooms. He would play songs and I would sing. I can’t keep a
pitch so my roommates told me to snatch him up - - I did and he has always been
a gracious and patient man. Gary and I
have had to move a great deal in our married life due to graduate school and
job changes. I have been fully supportive of any of life’s major changes – I love
this man so if we had to move – move we did.
Each move was hard on all of us but each time I viewed it as a new
adventure and looking back it was easy to see how God worked through our lives
and the lives of our children.
What has been some of the best parts of being married?
Some of the best parts of
being married is the laughter - we laugh
together every day - - mostly due to Gary’s wit and my inability to stand up
straight or focus for any length of time. Gary mentioned reliability and trust.
Don’t get us wrong we have had our share of ups and downs, hurts and doubts but
through it all is Jesus and his promise to lead and guide and lift us up when
we need him most sustains us. So there
is a keen sense of reliability and trust.
Also never underestimate the little bits of advice you get from each
other when raising the kids. “Do they need a coat?” “Should we let her/him go to the …” “What
should we do about…?” The ability to ask another’s opinion and an opinion you
trust is invaluable. Also the little
moments like when we pray together and we can hear each other’s’ hearts. The rejuvenating spirit that comes with
spousal prayer is without equal.
What has been one the hardest parts of being married?
There have been many
difficult compromises for both of us – moving from state to state, job changes,
illnesses – having to be someone’s nurse is hard for one of us (inside joke). Marriage is work and communication is key – it
took us far too long to learn this. We
are proud of Ben and Britt and their ability to see the importance of this
early. We definitely wish we had the
wisdom that is out there now and the openness of most churches to share what
couples need upfront. Having to “figure
things out” on our own has been tough.
We always say, “If we knew then what we know now, we could have avoided
a great deal of hurt feelings and tears.”
What were some surprises you didn’t anticipate in marriage?
Some surprises we didn’t
anticipate in our marriage would have to be everything – when you get married
you don’t know everything there is to know about each other - - no matter how
long you talk or what counseling you attend! This past summer we drove to where
Gary was raised until he was in Jr. high.
While I knew it was a hard move for him, I never knew all the details
and how much he still thinks about all those years. In addition, we never would have dreamed all
the family dynamics in play with in-laws and moving so often. On a lighter side, I never dreamed of all the
laughter - - on a daily basis!!! We
laugh about Gary’s snoring, my snorking, students we have, family, friends, the
dogs, food, television and so much more.
Take time to laugh each day, together! Our granddaughter and her crazy
faces make us laugh the most right now – she is a joy!
Have you received any advice that has helped shape your marriage significantly?
The greatest advice we
received that helped shape our marriage was an unsaid expectation: find a
community of believers. We come from a
legacy of faith and without the many people who have loved us in the many
churches we attended life would have been much harder, albeit impossible. Also we knew early on that we were quite
different but we were encouraged by pastors that told us this could be a great
thing if we recognized it and used it to strengthen our marriage.
What little things do you do as a couple that keep marriage your enjoyable?
Believe it or not pizza keeps
our marriage enjoyable. Pizza is a
plus! We both love the same kind of
pizza so it’s fun to find new places and talk.
We love to celebrate and we love to go out and talk across the table –
this has been a mainstay in our home since we were first married. The first
Friday of the first week of school is always eat out night so everyone can
share their first week adventures.
Also we love to have others over and
celebrate them. We both definitely have
the hospitality gift; our daughter Sarah has this, too! We were asked by one of Gary’s colleagues
what we did when we entertained a speaker who had come for a college
revival. We didn’t really know at the
time but realized that all we did was try to make he and his wife feel
special. We try to do this for each
other, too. Birthdays in our home are
major holidays. I love when he brings me those sappy, lovey-dovey cards for my
birthday and valentines. And he loves that I still love them. Now
that the kids are grown, grocery shopping together on Friday nights is actually
a riot – and nobody is around. We like
to go to Goodwill, too on Saturdays and see what types of bargains we can
get. Again, it’s the little things.
What advice would you give to a just-married couple?
Our advice to newlyweds is to
pray together, daily. Stay in a
community of believers and if you aren’t in one get there. Forgive and forget – shut your mouth before
you speak – don’t slam any doors – if you don’t want help and just want to
vent, say so before you start complaining or sharing – take time for just
you - pray together, every single day (I
realize I said this already but it can’t be said too much!)! And no matter what
keep the “I love yous” coming. Not just the words but even more the
actions. Gary’s "I love you" to me is
doing the dishes, cleaning the toilets, loading my cart into the car. Mine to
him are laughing at his jokes and wit and cooking. No matter what you say or
do, do it with love. The kind of selfless love Jesus demonstrates for us.
What advice would you give to a couple with young kids?
Our advice to couples with
young kids is to get help! Find someone
in the church to help mentor your kids- - make sure you have a support system other than
your family. Have fun but don’t be
afraid to say, “no!” Less is more – too
many activities - - bad, bad idea (this is true for older kids, too.) If you are running from one activity to
another, quality time is not really found in the car. However driving to an orthodontist
appointment and then home can afford you time with a busy middle or high
schoolers.
Don’t be afraid to fail and make mistakes in front of your kids – I
don’t think we did this enough - - they need to see you fail once in awhile They need to know you are human and that God
supports and guides you and always will.
Finally, the best toys are still oatmeal boxes, wax paper, and pots and
pans – and of course books – I could give a diatribe on how important it is to
read to your kids before they are born until, well forever. I still buy my kids picture books and novels
and read to them!! Look into their
little faces and talk to them – just talk to them about whatever – it doesn’t
really matter!
What are some key ways God has worked most in your marriage?
There were many times we
could see God’s hand in our marriage. When we struggled and he brought us to
our knees in forgiveness; these are the most personal of stories so just suffice
it to say that God is good all the time.
In our weakness HE is strong. What kept us going was family both in words
and deed. Also, time alone, time in prayer, commitment to a community of
believers, and finally self-control. Sometimes the only person you can count on is
Jesus; he is enough. (A wise woman once said this and it is now my go to phrase
– Jesus is Enough!).
Husbands what advice would you give to other men in relationships?
Our basic advice is: husbands
listen and give good advice when you’re asked. Never forget birthdays,
anniversary, etc. or be late for anything without calling/texting – women worry
and hold you in high regard –return this with everything you are. Pray
together!
Wives what advice would you give to other women in relationships?
Wives: breathe when you are
upset, swallow your pride- - make sure you have eye contact if what you’re saying
is really important. Always put his
needs before your own and make sure that he knows you support him, no matter
what!! Pray together!
What do you enjoy most about this stage of your marriage?
Our marriage right now is a
quiet house, finishing each other’s sentences, more “us” time, hearing from and
about our kids and granddaughter. When
we pray in the morning we both sit down with this peace about the house and
turn everything over to God. Dreaming about retirement and how to spend weeks
and weeks together is quite fun, too! It
is an unspoken love that continues to grow and change and a spoken joy for
spending time with one another. It is also pride; it’s very exciting to be able
to tell people that we have been in love and married for almost 35 years. I got to do this just last week with my
seventh graders, we earned a round of hearty applause.
God has richly blessed
us and he will bless you too if you allow Him to lead AND pray together, daily!
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