Noise.

It keeps happening. 

I keep noticing it and it's becoming clearer. There's a pull in my heart to slow down and back away. 

These past few weeks God has put on my heart to let go of a few things. Including my constant need to keep up to date with my social media. I kept reading articles about 'unplugging' and what not-and  am noticing when I attempt to do so for a few days (I'm on day 4....or 5) the way my heart seems to change is remarkable. I think it all came to head when I read this article here called "Instagrams envy affect" by Shauna Niequist. It's been pretty popular as of late,  and the quote  “I stopped following a friend on Instagram, and now that I don’t see nonstop snapshots of her perfect life, I like her better.” stuck out to me so much I realized how much my heart needed a rest. Namely because I resonated a little too well. 

When talking about social media etc., our pastor talks often about how there's always been "too much information" in the world and that information overload isn't really the issue.  Its filter-failure of those consuming it.

And so I've noticed.  Lately, my filter has been very much broken. I've basically just been a vaccuum-digesting everything.

People post pictures, I look at them. I like them. People post articles, I read them. More and more my facebook feed grieves my heart. As people rise to share opinions with fierce intentionality, real dialogue about issues important for the soul are left to be shredded through via social media, not real life. Decision are made without ever having a real conversation.  Have you noticed these recent letters to everybody? The people writing them have so much passion-and its so admired. Yet, I want to know how they came to this. How is it affecting their soul? What are they really after? I find often I want to be a force to be reckoned with! Not a servant.  But its not reallly what I want. I want you to hear why my heart is furious at injustice, why I have come to my conclusion. But there's not time for that. There's no room. Or is there?

Today I got to spend time with one of my dearest friends I've ever had. She brought me gifts filled with so much intentionality. One such gift was her open overflowing heart. She said words I needed to hear. She talked about her feelings towards Jesus, what god is doing-what she wishes he'd do, where she's at. She played with my girl and she heard my heart. She knows my 'whys.' And I know her heart well enough that when she tells me that my heart needs to change-I can hear it. 

Thats what I want to live for.

Ben commented that he recently observed a bit of the 'stay-at-home mom' scene. He commented that it seems a lot of gals turn to social media outlets (myself included) to solve the issue of loneliness rather than "paying the 50 bucks to go to a baby-and-me class"  but its a cheap substitute and demotivates from real relationships. I think he was speaking straight to my heart and using the overarching 'mom' group to express his point. Smart man. But he's right. At least for me. I'm noticing I've convinced myself that this half-feeling of feeling connected because I've liked a picture is really enough. but it isn't. and at the end of the day I still feel the dire need to hear with my ears the voice of someone else.

Also, I happened upon this post here by peas and thank you and some of her words really resonated with me. Particularly: "I don’t know where I got the idea that I was important enough that I needed to write about myself daily. I don’t need to. I don’t want to. It’s distractingly noisy for both you and I.": 

Noise.

I'm not sure of how this transition in my heart will play out here on the blog, but I value peoples time and want to share my heart, not my opinions.

 I'm learning by observation that opinions are shared far too easily on the internet, and rarely are we (perhaps due to inability?) vulnerable. Perhaps its for the best. I still like reading my favorite blogs, but I'm paying attention to how they affect me. I'm putting the critical eye on myself and forcing myself to cut out noise. Time wasted. As well as hopefully contribute less to it. 

I love me some instagram and I share opinion-based post like the best of them, but I'm learning that I judge others when I read things they post. I decide things about them because thats all the information I'm given. I read a liberal article that someone liked, I assume they must be die-hard. I read a conservative political info-graph and assume this liker is passionate about the issue. Perhaps, but perhaps they just agreed with a line, or found it interesting. My inability to really understand an individual via social media has me pulling away and questing for more real stuff. I'm quite simply tired of knowing things about individuals, but not ever really knowing them. Of my 626 friends, I talk regularly with about 6 of them.

All thats to say, come on over to my cheerio encrusted floor and lets talk about the stuff you're passionate about or in fury about or saddened by or elated from. I want to hear it from your mouth.