This blog holds so much of our history... some of my cheesiest posts and some of the most vulnerable are saved under this domain
... Is it any wonder when the dues come around to renew, I keep clicking yes? The tumultuous evolutions of personhood this blog holds make it almost a relic of identity for me, (even if I cringe at half the entries.) Yet also, it's a very real and living thing. More times than a few I've gone back through some posts and realized how much in the writing I was wrestling. And sometimes that wrestling produced something truer than I could have seen then..other times it was just the start of the work. Maybe that's why I keep this blog around..it's a bit of a trail back to where it began.
Looking at the trail behind...The last post I posted, I was living somewhere else but anticipating the possibility of being here. I was wrestling with the unknown and hoping He'd see us through.
God remains faithful.
The possibility I wrung my hands over a few short months ago became a very quick reality and we now live a different story. Yet again. We're in the Midwest (now calling Lansing our home). Our family has relocated with Ben's work, but this move has been different and so difficult in so many ways.
I could lament all the reasons it didn't go how I wanted, but instead I can say this: God went before us and is taking care of us. Our house miraculously sold for more than we asked. We found a wonderful home here, a wonderful CC community and we now are a half a days drive from my side of our family. We have good care for Rowan, and we have a new puppy. If our life story is ever given a genre, I hope it's put in the adventure section, or perhaps the love section. Love has been the drive behind these wild unexpected days and God continues to prove his Love for us in such unknowns. This is a comedy. A eucatastrophe. A story of mercy.
So here we are. In a blue house with a red door and a living room with such huge windows it tilts towards looking like a sanctuary. With a Jemma dog and a new creature we joke is experiment 626, like in Lilo and Stitch for the way he growls and chases the lot of us. All 5 lbs of him.
In-between the last post and this one, there's been heart gutting goodbyes. There's been tears and laments. There's been sickness and bad Airbnb situations, Urgent Care visits galore and squirrels invading the new place (I said it was an adventure, no?) and...before the story takes too far a downward turn...there's been pizza nights and kind neighbors, magnolia trees and snow forts, nail polish and belly laughter, and basketball games and Michigan Sunsets.
And in the swirl of it all, I'm still learning to celebrate daily.
Today we came home from basketball for the boys and the middle one was beaming at how great it all went. And we start art real soon for the girl with her room already perfected just so. Homeschool is still a gift to us and is getting more of a gift with each passing year... This upcoming month we'll celebrate (Lord willing) 2 whole years since Rowans last chemo treatment. He'll have scans on the 13th and we'll celebrate good news big. LORD, let it be so. I still cry and feel fear regularly. I'm left with a limp. But God still quiets my spirit. Rowan still has residual emotional pain from it, but is proving very healthy and resilient just as they said he would.
A garden will grow on our back porch, Lord willing, real soon. and we'll hang string lights up over the tables we hope will someday be filled with feasting friends. Friends we're still meeting. Cancer will, Lord willing, stay limited. And our God will continue to prove his unlimitedness.
Grad school will keep happening (one class at a time, until forever it seems...) and I'll keep being humbled by all I don't know. If I need to set it down at some point, I'll do just that. I suspect I'll get to keep going.
Eowyn will become a teenager, Eli will turn double digits, and Rowan will be fast behind them...these are the gorgeous hopefuls I think about.
Life keeps not turning out how I imagine, and yet it also keeps turning out better than I hoped. The Lord keeps proving to be good even in the worst of it. And I keep finding myself more interested in this world, and yet, if I'm not abiding in Christ, more scared of it.
I keep finding myself less concerned if I'm interesting, and more determined to be interested...not too many people get to decide what parts of themselves to show every 3-5 years...in some ways it's a gift. Everything about me I thought was important (my work, my flower farm, my crunchy parenting, my thoughts on the government, my skills and resume...) all ends up ultimately being minor compared to my capacity to love the new neighbor. My life is about dying daily. But goodness is our story one filled with resurrection.
So there you have it.
This isn't a particularly profound post (I sometimes wonder if all the academic writing is making me less of an interesting writer...) But I figured I'd place it here all the same.
Here's the Midlife Update on a the blogging woman who God has loved in more tangible ways than the freckles on her face:
She lives. She limps. She prays. She gardens. She has a very fine-tuned dark humor that slips out too quickly for new acquaintances. She's gotten very good at writing in APA and MLA styles. and by very good she means hardly good at all but is still getting decent grades.
So, here we are. Mid life. God is still on His throne. The kids are gorgeous gifts. The house has squirrels (maybe) and leaks (definitely). And good food and great light and a great kitchen to dance in. Best kitchen I've ever had the pleasure of cooking in. Sourdough still lives. It's name is spike.
Jesus loves and lives in Lansing. And he loves and lives at the Sprague house.
We root for Spartans and Lions now.
Go Lions!
To all who read this, Come on over! Can't wait to show you the new place 💜
No comments:
Post a Comment